I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
