Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
