if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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