smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
