Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
