What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
