This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
