Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
