Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
