1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
