They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
