Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
