he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
