it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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