So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
