Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
