It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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