he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize