you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
