i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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