this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
