the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
