I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
