i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
