she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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