i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
