I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
