You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
