All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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