Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
