I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
