i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
