I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
