May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
