Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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