so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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