ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
