My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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