Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
