I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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