dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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