I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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