I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
