Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
