i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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