A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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