Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
