i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ugly people sure do ruin things
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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