So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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