Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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