Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
