I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
