I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
