Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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