Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
