true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
