I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
