My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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