She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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