Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Randomize
