my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize