Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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