You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
