i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
