apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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