i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
