My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
