Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
