Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
