She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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