the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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