She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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